With Eyes Closed
by BrownEyedPheonix
Summary: Blind It does not take one without the ability of sight to be one who is unseeing who is blind. Rejection and denial is just the way of life. The desire to make motion but the unwillingness to change leaves one blind. Feedback of any kind will leave me gracious
1. Chapter 1: Feeling

Chapter One: Feeling

Sinking deeper, down, down, down the black mass starts from the core and drops down to the very core to my sex throughout the rest of my body.

It is not my heart in which aches it is my soul writhes and crashes against my chest wildly thrashing in my cage.

This feeling of tightness this feeling of complete and utter despair this emptiness; this weight I cannot fathom what it is. What is it? This hateful urging feeling within me, though not sad, not angry, not happy, but lost this pushing need causing my eyes to become misty, the moisture suddenly dripping down. Yet even with this release not even a feeling of relief passes through just and ever greater acclimating feeling of loss. No more desire to go on dreams have died since long ago, yet these hateful feelings are still here.

Alone.

I am, even in this home family around me, I cannot help but to feel estranged from them. This cavern in my chest keeps growing I feel as if I may burst or more explode it's so empty.

Restless

Laying here, nothing is wrong, I should be tired, no I am tired but yet again this feeling this annoying feeling just won't let me be.

Fear

I fear that this has become maddening, shudder that this blackness will overcome me. Dread the idea of telling another aside from you, you, my journal my friend the only one who shall know.

Hate

To tell another brings great distress in the end everyone judges; silently, constantly, and they laugh. Oh the laughter they find humor in mocking me; I despise them I cannot help but want they're existence to cease. Banish all who look upon me.

Jealously/ Envy

Hateful heathens born with the silver spoon in grasp, haughty, overbearing, disdainful, not even taking the slightest appreciation to what was given to them. Envious so envious loving oh so loving family to lov and to be loved.

Wrath

Something, just something need to destroy something, maybe someone. Break something need to break something maybe this feeling will go away if I could break something to the point that it becomes similar to my soul. Shattered, torn, stepped on, beaten, malnourished, unloved.

No one will love me someone so estranged I am a freak. I want to feel this thing called love, love seems to always slip my fingers an unheard whisper a fleeing wind. It seems I can only love myself since love is just an idea for me. Constantly I fear it yet the desire for it burns my essence to deep.

Love can be skin-deep and I sneer at the fact that it generally is.

I close my eyes and just imagine how it would feel to love the feeling sends shivers that arouses me to the point of needing to release this desire this need for my soul to be filled. The step toward loving another will always never be taken, people are maddening deceiving shallow.

That is why I resort to self-exile, I do not desire another's presence, and these creatures are far too much of a burden. To be alone is much easier even with these feelings.

People all around are a reminder of who I am, and a reminder of my past and of that person, I am hateful soul.

I am Gaara no Sabaku one who shall only love himself, self-preservation is the key to life.


	2. Chapter 2: Living

Being alive is one thing, but living is another.

* * *

She was lost; lost on the road of life, at times she felt like turning back and running away from the life she faced but when she turned around the road behind her had already crumbled away. Forced to look ahead ever so blankly she dragged her feet trudging along the path before her I hopes to a brighter day. A brighter day just seemed so bleak and so far as the hopes of that just seemed to slip past her fingers blowing away past her dissipating like sand and quickly swirling out of her field of vision.

Still, stubborn as she was moving forward was the only thing she could do.

Time was something that never really stopped but she felt like hers had stopped as if the hands on her clock were jammed soon one day they would just stop and that would be it. She'd keep moving till that day came in hoping to meet her timekeeper.

She ambled her way on this road with the same never ending scenery as the light ahead of her seemed just a bit dimmer with each passing day.

At times she would wonder just how she had gotten to where she was today. What happened exactly?

Years ago you could remember a bright young girl hopeful in life, annoyingly confident in her brilliance, lively colorful in personality, and bold as ever in love. That girl that wondrous girl was just like us all, oh so very human and you would never questioned the simple fact that she was alive.

She was vibrant and strong at heart but as she grew older she also became experienced and with that she began to pick at every flaw in life and even more, in herself.

As time went on, the trials of life were testing, the bull she was she ran through them without much a care. In time the trials began to feel like tribulations she still kicked her hoofs to the ground and would run through them to the best of her abilities. With all this she began to wear down, feeling as she was the bull still alive from a failed Estocada waiting for her matodor to finish her.

The life we once saw began to fade, she began her life now. Living and dying.

Before us we see an empty memory, still young but no longer as youthful, a shell of a being.

The state she was in was…almost laughable, the woman before us was only a scabbard a reminder of who she was the eminence she once before held. The life she was full of before, her blade was dulled and broken and she could not home it she stopped being alive.

All that was left were pieces the girl no more the memory left to haunt her that she could never be the same.

Who was she now? She didn't know, all she knows the title she was given and what others called her.

Sakura Haruno of the leaf, Successor of the Godaime Hokage


End file.
